Licensed to Drive
by Quicksilver
Summary: You won't believe this... an Eudial piece. Our favorite psychotic motorist finally gets the limelight to herself in this short.


Quicksilver's Quill Offers: Licensed to Drive

Quicksilver's Quill Offers   
Licensed to Drive   
[mbsilvana@yahoo.com][1]   
standard disclaimers

Yes, Hikaru, I know you may lose your license if you give me too much to drink- now shut up and give me another martini, stirred, not shaken. Bad James Bond joke- but I'm entitled. I think I just managed to help the world along the path to its own destruction.   
Stop laughing at me! It's the truth, I tell you! When I think about what I just did, it gives me the shakes.   
Oh? Now you're willing to listen? Are you sure this is the strongest stuff you have? Baka! Of course I realize what I'm saying. But if you'll keep me supplied while I talk, I'll tell you the full story.   
Yes, I promise I'll let you call a cab. Stop laughing- I'm not afraid of cabbies anymore. Not after today.   
You know what I do for a living, right? I'm an employee at the Department of Motor Vehicles- more specifically, I'm one of the people who gives the licensing tests- you know, the practical? Well, I've seen a lot of stuff in my day, but today... my glass is empty. Anyway, today was certainly the beginning of the end of the world.   
It started normally enough- my last appointment of the day. Contrary to what you may think, I'm well aware of the fact that I'm a little cranky at the end of the day, so I tend to be a little more lenient- anyone who is confident enough to schedule for a six o'clock test deserves a little bit of credit.   
Anyway, my last client had just left- barely passing, but it was a pass. Today fifteen students failed- those Driver's Ed. Classes these schools are teaching now adays ain't worth crap. They sometimes don't even put the student in a car with an instructor anymore- afraid of sexual harassment or something like that.   
Anyway, I looked around for the next victim, trying to shake myself out of my foul mood. It wouldn't be fair of me to flunk them, but at that point, I'd do it on principal. I was cold, tired, and there's nothing I wanted more then a nice hot bath and a book to curl up with. It really wasn't that hard to find- an unusual looking white car was sitting exactly where it should be, though there were a pair of skid marks. I made a mental note of this- probably a little bit nervous, perfectly understandable. If this was a close call, though, I could always use that little tidbit to justify flunking the kid.   
I opened the passenger door and slid in, buckling my seat belt reflexively. First thing they teach you before you give the practical. Anyway, I was buckled in before I turned to view my latest client.   
Rather then the pimply-faced teenager that usually comes my way, I ended up looking into the pale face of one of the more attractive members of my gender. Shut up, Hikaru. I'm not a lesbian... give me another drink while you're at it. She had brilliant red hair and her eyes were the strangest shade I've ever seen. A warm crimson, barely restrained temper flashing every now and then.   
"Sakamoto Eudial?" I asked cautiously, looking at my clipboard for her name.   
She nodded curtly, and I got the impression that everything she did was efficient. She was still wearing a lab jacket, and I guess it was because she'd just gotten off work. "What do you want me to do?" she asked.   
I glanced at the clipboard again, looking over the notes. Apparently she'd passed the exam with no mistakes (not that uncommon an occurrence), so all we had to do now was go through the practical and poof! One more license person contributing to the phenomenon of road rage. I was under no illusions- Eudial-san looked like she was a boiling kettle, only waiting for a little more heat to explode.   
Thanks, Hikaru. That went down the wrong way... I guess my choking on my brandy wouldn't do your business much good. How about a daiquiri next? Strawberry, please.   
Anyway, I smiled (or attempted to, at least- it felt like her eyes were looking right through me, I swear) at Eudial-san, and told her to take the car out onto the main road. She pushed her glasses higher onto her nose, and them started the car. The car's engine didn't sound quite... right, for lack of a better word. She'd tell me what it was later.   
Shut UP. Lemme tell the story, baka. And I want a cherry on top of that daiquiri. Anyway, this Eudial whips the car out of the lot faster then you can say "Vroom!". We went from zero to thirty in less then ten seconds- something I would have sworn was impossible. A slight smile danced on her face, and I didn't like it. Cruel, she was. The kind who would smush the cat that tried to cross the road just for the fun of it.   
That made up my mind- I wasn't going to be the one would gave her a license to drive. I was about to order her back to the parking lot so I could inform her of her fail, but she shot me a look from those crimson eyes and asked in a voice that reminded me of a purr, "Which way?"   
"R-right," I stuttered, and she was off, jerking the wheel violently. I glanced down at her feet and watch in horror as she pressed the gas pedal with an extremely spiked red shoe.   
Ah, this is good- nice consistency. But where's the whipped cream?   
Eudial ran at least two red lights, and I finally couldn't hold my terror back any longer. "Stop! You're going to get us both killed!" I yelled loudly.   
She laughed, not bothering to take her eyes off the road, which is a good thing I guess. "Nothing is going to damage this baby!" she declared confidently. "I tuned the entire car, changed the engine with a few of my own special modifications, and reinforced the walls with titanium- that's the stuff they use to make rocket ships, you know," she informed me. "Of course that old lady is going to have a problem," she said without any real concern.   
I looked out the window and to my horror, there was the classic little old lady trying to cross the street. Eudial just kept going, and I closed my eyes, a scream stuck in my throat.   
Oh, don't worry, Hikaru. That old woman actually managed to get out of the way. Unfortunately, there was this poor little dog that wasn't so lucky. And a squirrel, and even a skunk...   
Finally enough time had passed. "That's enough, Sakamoto-san," I told her. "Turn around and drop me off at the place we met. She gave me an almost disappointed look, but swung the wheel around.   
And then the most amazing thing happened. The car did a one-eighty- on ONE WHEEL... I'm not kidding. I was very glad for my seat belt, for even with it, I got thrown against the side of my door. Eudial started to laugh as she raced back to the lot.   
She whipped her car into the lot, and I grabbed my book, intent on writing her a fail notice- and telling my supervisor that if Sakamoto Eudial ever applied to take the test again, to make sure that I wasn't the one who had to ride with her. I had the feeling that Eudial would be most irate about me failing her.   
My black pen was shaking in my hand, but to my surprise, my hand-writing was its usual decorative cursive. My eyes widened in horror as my hand, seeming of its own free will, filled out the form. For a pass.   
I looked out at Eudial's face, and I hastily finished it. Her lips were slightly parted, and those eyes... those eyes seemed to be glowing with the fires of hell... I swear to you, Hikaru, her expression must be the same way the devil looks just before he claims a soul.   
Shoving it into her hands, I stumbled out of the car. I watched as she peeled out of the lot, dreading what I had just allowed to happen. I came right here... maybe if I can get drunk enough, I can justify what I did. I just don't understand how it happened- it seemed almost like magic. But magic isn't real- we all know that.   
Oh? What about them. They're just urban legends- really, I thought better of you. Sailor-suited school girls protecting the Earth from evil? Come on... next thing you'll be telling me is that Eudial chick was a witch.   
Gimme another. I don't care what it is- just make sure it's strong. Eudial with a license is a scary enough to do damage to anyone who happens to get in her way. Ah, a fuzzy navel... you really know how to take care of a girl... 

THE END   


   [1]: mailto:mbsilvana@yahoo.com



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